False Teacher Of The Year 2019

It's that time of the year when we look back on the months that have passed and reflect on what happened in our world. We make lists of what happened in the past year, including list after list of the celebrities who had died during the year. As for me, I've had better years - my spinal issues have caused severe pain in my hips, my pulmonary hypertension pressures in my heart have gone up, and after 20 years of working in the cable industry I was let go. But it hasn't been all bad, God allowed me to be born in the greatest nation on earth where doctors are able to diagnose and treat my myriad of medical issues, where that evil Big Pharma can provide me with treatment, and after 20 years of slaving away in the cable industry I was given my freedom. But, as hard as you may argue the opposite, it's not all about me. We are here to stand in shock as false teachers gnaw away at the visible church, the body of Christ here on earth, and to recognize the efforts of the lead gnawers. (I think that's a word)

False teachers are everywhere you look, through their messages of disunity and mammon worship it's clear that Satan is on the march. From Sheep Poaching church planters to howling Poverty Pimps, Christianity is under attack from within. These  malignant parasites are clearly spiritual cancer tumors feeding off the body of Christ in an effort to destroy the Church founded on the cornerstone of Christ and built by Jesus Christ Himself. 

I wish I could list the top 10 churches for 2019, but a good church doesn't make headlines. In the near future when we Christians fall under blanket persecution by the government and self serving Satan run atheistic special interest groups, good churchs will make headlines, but until then all we hear from the good churches is the Word of God, and that's all right by me. On the other side of the spectrum, the agents of Satan have been having a banner year. From private jets to $600 t-shirts the false teachers are wallowing in this world. And it's not just A private jet, Jesse Duplantis already has three jets, he wants a fourth, a $54,000,000 Dassault Falcon 7X.

 Here's a quick look back at past recipients of the fabled Golden Goat

• 2018 - Brian Houston, owner and CEO of Hillsong
• 2017 - Jennifer LeClair, the original Squeaky Squid
• 2016 - Rick Joyner, the Holy Spirit's bookie
• 2015 - Mark Sandlin, re-writer of the Gospel
• 2014 - Steven McSwain, bible denying bible instructor
• 2013 - John Shore, Not All There.

A sage collection of falsehood if there ever was one. While some have faded into the background white-noise, several are battling for a second trophy to show their lack of respect and fear of the Lord. Often nominated but never selected Steven Furtick is always in the nomination committee's sites, but this year simply spending tens of thousands of dollars on designer t-shirts, ball caps, wristwatches and skinny jeans to make himself look like a designer version of a Walmart shopper while he narcissigetes the bible isn't near enough effort. There's serious competition to be recognized as the most malignant in 2019. Earlier this year Beth Moore was everywhere saying anything until I just couldn't write any more about Moore. Then just weeks ago Rick Joyner was a shoe-in for his second Golden Goat for his efforts in fomenting a second civil war on God's orders, and he will probably be in the running next year too, but Rick is out in the sticks, this year's winner in deep in the swamp - up to her neck deep.

Attention To Orders (Romans 16:17-18)

For turning her back on numerous biblical requirements of an overseer and close adherent of Christ Jesus and thus falsely naming herself Pastor and Apostle, for driving one of the largest Christian churches into bankruptcy mere months after becoming "Senior Pastor" and was able to walk away without blemish, for turning the bible into a day time game show where everyone wins big sums of cash, for claiming to not believe in the "prosperity gospel" yet to go on and emphasize that "physical healing and financial abundance in this life are provided for in the atonement of Christ". For this and so many other examples it is with deep sorrow and humble nausea that we announce that the False Teacher Of The Year for 2019 is Paula White, spiritual advisor to the President of the United States

Apostle Paula Michelle White-Cain was born Paula Michelle Furr in Tupelo Mississippi on April 20, 1966, and as far as any researcher can determine, this is the full extent of her qualifications to teach the word of God. At the age of 18 she converted to Christianity and revealed that "God" told her to preach

"When I was just eighteen years old, the Lord gave me a vision that every time I opened my mouth and declared the Word of the Lord, there was a manifestation of His Spirit where people were either healed, delivered, or saved. When I shut my mouth, they fell off into utter darkness and God spoke to me and said 'I called you to preach the gospel.'" (Lee, Shayne; Sinitiere, Phillip Luke (2009). Holy Mavericks. New York University Press. pp. 107–128)

If it truly was God that told Paula to preach, there's no record that anyone actually told her how or what to preach. In fact there is no evidence of Paula receiving any schooling of any nature after she graduated high school in 1984. Paula White's preaching is uneducated sing-song prattering delivered in an aw-shucks down home accent that spins through unbiblical fabrications faster and easier than Paula has spun through husbands. Recently when appearing on convicted felon con-artist Jim Bakker's show, the she told viewers that they were mandated to give Jim Bakker their hard earned money. Why? Because God has a bureaucracy; 

Every treasure you give here on Earth is being stored up in Heaven. There is a Department of Treasury in Heaven. Now I know [Steve] Mnuchin’s over it down here, but I’m telling you there’s a Department of Treasury in Heaven that God is watching over. Everything you do - and you are storing up eternal treasure that will go so far beyond, I think, that we can even begin to imagine, that you are mandated by God. (Paula White on The Jim Bakker Show, October 17, 2019)

You'd think that Paula would have learned to stay away from these shows, because this is where she unwittingly reveals the truth about her false religion. It was on a TV Show with Larry Huch where she denied that Jesus was God's only begotten son, denying the deity of Christ. (That same clip shows a bizarre teaching that the crown of thorns broke the "Curse of Poverty") Paula never apologized for the dishonesty and blasphemy of this interview, she just said that she was doing too many television shows that week.

When researching Paula White, it is hard to determine if she's a liar, or if she just doesn't know the truth. Here's some truth

"I have been called a heretic, an apostate, an adulterer, a charlatan, and an addict. It has been falsely reported that I once filed for bankruptcy and -- my personal favorite -- that I deny the Trinity!" (Paula White on CNN)

Every single one of those accusations happens to be true. Heresy happens almost everytime she opens her mouth or sits down to her word processes. When she denied that Jesus was God's only begotten son is a prime example of her apostasy. As for adulterer - while she still insists that the photos of her walking hand in hand with Benny Hinn exiting a hotel in Rome are no big deal, those photograph nearly destroyed Benny's marriage so they must be as big a deal as Costi Hinn tells us. An adulterer - her entire relationship with her now husband Jonathan Cain was adulterous because he was married while they dated, he proposed to Paula on the day his divorce was finalized. Charlatan? Paula is constantly claiming that God speaks to her, like when He mentioned the Department of the Treasury. As for being an addict, she herself has spoken about being addicted to medication after her stroke. 

And if Paula had any theological training at all, she would know that when she denied the deity of Christ on television, she denied the Trinity. On the same show she taight that Jesus did not die on the Cross for the sins of humanity, but rather to rescue us from financial hardships. And she wonders why people with a brain call her a heretic. This is why you want your pastor to have an education.

What knocked Rick Joyner out of first place in the race to the Golden Goat was the releasing of Paula White's new book "Something Greater" which turned out to be "Something Best Left On The Shelf". Reviewer David Robertson called her book "Revealing, disturbing, and depressing". The book is packed with self-obsession where Paula White is fully center stage and Jesus is a prop to be dragged out during occasional sermons. 

"A soaring, powerful voice erupts from my petite frame on the stage. My blond hair is short, cut in a bob with bangs just above the eyebrows. My purple robe is loose and royal; my words are sharp and understandable. There is a rhythm to the sentences I use, a cadence to my words. There is an unexpected fire in my preaching."

Paula must just rock Proverbs 27:2. The book goes on full of materialism and dishonesty, it's self adoration on paper for you to enjoy. 

And then I thought - this is the woman that is advising the President of the United States on spiritual matters, and she can't even get the simplest concepts of Christian belief right - Jesus is the ONLY begotten son of God, Jesus died for our sins, and God Hates Pride. Satan has his own agent in the White House and he isn't going to try to hide that fact.

The list of falsehoods in the teaching, preaching, and general blithering of Paula White is mind numbing, but in the end the falsehood that leapt out and earned Paula a unanimous selection of False Teacher of the Year is the resurfacing of this little gem that she uttered on TBN at a women's convention in Orlando:

"Anyone who tells you to deny yourself is from Satan" - Paula White

The nomination committee would like you to compare it with this:

Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me." (Matthew 16:24)

Let not many of you become teachers, my brethren, knowing that as such we will incur a stricter judgment. (James 3:1)