Satan's New Gig: Queering The Bible

RELG 033. Queering the Bible

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This course surveys queer and trans* readings of biblical texts. It introduces students to the complexity of constructions of sex, gender, and identity in one of the most influential literary works produced in ancient times. By reading the Bible with the methods of queer and trans* theoretical approaches, this class destabilizes long held assumptions about what the bible--and religion--says about gender and sexuality.
Humanities
1 credit.
Eligible for GSST
Fall 2018. Kessler.
Catalog chapter: Religion 
Department website: http://www.swarthmore.edu/religion

No, this isn't something I made up, this is something that Rabba Gwynn Kessler ("Rabba" is a female Rabbi, and yes, it is a thing)  and she even has a book: Conceiving Israel: The Fetus in Rabbinic Narratives. It must be a gem, it's a $65 book but it's going for $5.70 on Amazon. Hurry, because they only have three copies left (and oddly it has NO reviews) It's ranking in Amazon is #1,249,981 with a bullet. Swarthmore college also teaches this class:

RELG 032. Queering God: Feminist and Queer Theology

The God of the Bible and later Jewish and Christian literature is distinctively masculine, definitely male. Or is He? If we can point out places in traditional writings where God is nurturing, forgiving, and loving, does that mean that God is feminine, or female? This course examines feminist and queer writings about God, explores the tensions between feminist and queer theology, and seeks to stretch the limits of gendering-and sexing-the divine. Key themes include: gender; embodiment; masculinity; liberation; sexuality; feminist and queer theory.

Humanities.
1 credit.
Eligible for GSST, INTP
Catalog chapter: Religion
Department website: http://www.swarthmore.edu/religion

Fortunately the RELG 032 gem of institutional brainwashing does not appear to be on the Swarthmore calendar for Spring 2018. In fact Swarthmore has 10 classes in the catalog that explicitly  involve the bible, and of the ten only RELG 033 is on the fall 2018 schedule, thank God for small miracles, right? RELG 033 is a one-credit course, taught by Dr. Gwynn Kessler. Dr. Kessler plans to inject the following into young minds: “the methods of queer and trans* theoretical approaches” to Bible reading, by which it will destabilize “long held assumptions about what the bible - and religion - says about gender and sexuality.”

What are queer and trans* theoretical approaches? and just what is trans*? First of all, I believe the wildcard character * is pronounced the exact same as is the famous battle cry of the millenial: "whatever". That being said, second question is the easiest to answer; a trans* is someone that considers him/her/itself transgender, transsexual, transvestite, genderqueer, genderfluid, non-binary, etc., etc., ad nauseam, ad nauseam, ceterum censeo delenda est Carthago.

The term "queer and trans* theoretical approaches" means that you don't have to get wound around the axle about what the bible really says, you can make stuff up and base it on an implication that only you can see in the text, or you can say it's an improperly translated word from the original Hebrew or Greek. Or you can just go out and say that biblical scholars have gotten it wrong for 2000 years because they're homophobic. In other words, the class is a modern fairytale given license to exist by the work of Ki (Vivian) Namaste. In Miss Namaste's discussion of the implications of poststructuralist queer theory for sociological studies of nonheterosexuality Miss Namaste introduces us to queer theory. Queer theory, which Rabba Kessler's class is based apon, tells us that if a work such as a movie or book does not specify gay sexual relations, then it also does not explicitly prohibit them. So if a gay relationship isn't explicitly prohibited, you can go ahead and inject one if you want.

Using "logic" like this you can blame everything in the bible on homophobia:

Why did God tell Israel to slaughter Cannan? Because Cannanites were all homophobic

Why was Abram 86 before his first son (Ishmael) was born? Because Abram was gay 

Why did Paul say that wives must submit to their husbands? Because Paul was a homophobic sexist

See the fun you can have when you don't have to take reality in to account? Miss Namaste's paper entitled The Politics of Insidelout: Queer Theory, Poststructuralism, and a Sociological Approach to Sexuality is a license to rewrite everything you don't like into something you simply adore. And the fun part is that Swarthmore college is actually charging people real live money to learn what is essentially Biblical Fake News.