Per Fidem Intrepidus means "Fearless Through Faith". My courage isn't my own, it comes from the Holy Spirit, it's my faith in God and my personal savior Christ Jesus that calms my fears and allows me to move forward in this fallen world. Personally I'm afraid of a lot of stuff, but having the faith that Jesus adopted me as his little, sin filled, brother keeps me going.

Saturday, June 15, 2019

What I've been doing at lunch

The Georgetown Loop Railroad
It's where I'd rather be at the moment.
How long has it been since we last talked?

I've been away for a month, but in reality it's been much longer than that.  For the past couple of months work has been really busy. I normally do this blog during my lunch breaks, but work got so busy I was working through lunch breaks. My blogging was merely collecting articles for my weekly Random Bits post.

Then came May Day.

On May first I was talking to my manager on the phone, it was our weekly one on one where we update each other on the week past and the week to come. But my manager Frank had to cut the call short because his manager, Ed, needed to speak to him and Frank signed off with "I'll call you back later". Moments later Ken, Ed's manager, knocked on my office door. My boss's boss's boss arrived in town unannounced to offer me a deal: Take a severance package, or don't take a severance package, either way, go away.

I got reorganized into unemployment

My last day of work was the seventeenth of May. The HR rep on told me that between May first and May 17th, they did not expect me to do any productive work, which is a goal that I not only met, I clearly exceeded. I showed up twice to the building, once to clean out my desk and once to turn in laptop, keys, and phone. I wasn't the only one laid off, my entire team is gone. We started with 24 people when we were formed, and now there are 3 left. The reason why Ed needed to speak to my manager was the same, Frank was let go too. Between myself, my boss and 3 other co-workers, we had a total of 107 years of experience in the company, and that is only 5 of the small multitude that was let go.

So now I don't have any lunch breaks to spend with you.

Like they say, when you loose your job your main job is to find a job, and I've been working very hard to find a job. However who is going to hire a disabled man who no longer celebrates birthdays but anniversaries of his 50th birthday? (my 12th anniversary is in October). With my medical issues I am in that small strange minority of men who do not qualify to drive for Lyft or be a greeter at Walmart.

I'm not angry with my former employer, in fact I'm striving to get back into the fold. The benefits are awesome, the work rewarding, and they really did make an effort to help with my back pain and other medical issues. And as for catering to veterans, they were first rate. Brigadier General Carol E. if you're reading this, I want to thank you again for making this broken old sergeant feel like a vital, useful sergeant one last time.

My field of expertise is pretty rare and I've made a reputation for myself, I know for a fact that if an opening in the field opens up at any cable company my phone will ring. But now I'm starting to wonder if I'll answer the phone if it rings. I had forgotten how wonderful it is to sit in the shade of a linden tree on a warm spring day, a cooling breeze relaxing my jangled nerves, and sharing my woes and triumphs with God and you.

I've started the process of filing for social security and military disability, and if that goes through my days of resume posting and want ad scouring will come to a halt. The Mrs. and I will have to move because Colorado is pricing itself out of my reach. Tax assessments have skyrocketed so much that my mortgage payments have shot up over $100 a month, and the price of everything else is rising also. Worst of all: the kids are moving and taking our grandkids with them (how rude), and since I can't visit the mountains any more, I'm thinking God is telling me it's time to move.

I have so many worries gnawing at me, I've never really been unemployed before, and I've never been unemployable either, so I don't think I'm doing this right. I know my pain is hurting my wife which worries me the most so it all comes back to Paul:
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)
So Lord, here's my request: as my days grow fewer and your path before me grows more rocky, please keep an eye on me, remind me to meet you under the Linden tree and share with you my aches and pains. Show me how to ease the pain my wife is feeling and lead us to you when everything seems lost. 


  1. "My blogging was merely collecting articles for my weekly Random Bits post."

    Welcome to my world!

    Very sorry to hear of the layoff. Went through that once. Hope they were generous with the severance. Sounds like you are processing it as well as you possibly could. And glad you turned to Philippians . . . having been immersed in that made a huge difference when I went through cancer treatment in 2017. So many great promises.

  2. I'm sorry that you have to go through this agonizing trial. But know that God is with you all the way and will guide you as He has promised.