Per Fidem Intrepidus means "Fearless Through Faith". My courage isn't my own, it comes from the Holy Spirit, it's my faith in God and my personal savior Christ Jesus that calms my fears and allows me to move forward in this fallen world. Personally I'm afraid of a lot of stuff, but having the faith that Jesus adopted me as his little, sin filled, brother keeps me going.

Friday, March 30, 2018

Speak Before They Go

The reason why I've been absent for the past couple of weeks is because my mom passed away. and I was busy attending to all that comes with that. I was lucky enough to have a chance to speak with her over the phone just a few hours before she graduated and I was faced with the question: What do you say to your mother knowing that she is in her last few moments of life? But wait - before you answer that, keep in mind that she is so lost in dementia that she has no idea who you are and the sight of you scares her because she's afraid of strangers.

Yes, the right thing to do is talk to her about accepting Jesus as her savior, to love and trust him. Her husband of 60+ years, my dad, was saved on his death bed, something I will be eternally joyful about. But as for mom - she wasn't mom any more, she lost her nouns years ago, and the proper nouns were the first to go so Jesus was just another word she couldn't understand. She wouldn't have known who or what we were talking about, in fact she believed she has lived in a Florida nursing home her entire life.

But she did remember her trip to the Colorado mountains, so that's what I talked to her about even though she had no idea who I was. Don't get me wrong - we did talk about Jesus at length a few years ago before she began her slide into dementia, and her love and faith in Christ Jesus was strong and hot. He was everything to her.

This kind of love and faith in Christ was almost surprising to me, because mom was Roman Catholic Über Alles. A woman steeped in Roman Catholic tradition and indoctrination who for many years put every iota of her faith in the papist Catholic scorecard of works; eucharist, confession, tithing+, holy days of obligation, rosary, novenas, stations of the cross... In the end all that frippery did nothing for her, and just like dad, it was the acceptance of Christ as their personal savior that saved them. The parish they attended for years turned their back on both of them and ignored them in their final years of life. I guess the priests and deacons were too worried about collecting money from the living to care about the dying, ain't that right St. Sebastian Catholic Church of Sebastian FL?

And now both of my parents are gone before us, we who are left behind will mingle their ashes together and inter them in a spot that they loved. It is their camping spot on my grandfathers farm among the tamarack trees and the remaining cherry and apple trees of an orchard that was long ignored by the time grandfather purchased the farm. (You can't believe how tall a cherry tree can grow!) And that will be it, hopefully for my sisters there will be closure, "Ma Evans" and "Peepin' Wally" will be gone.

I've been pondering it, and this whole closure thing, I don't really understand it, but then I'm Christian. To pagans there are ghosts and spirits and the pagan beliefs held by the poor pagan torture them into thinking that these ghosts of dead people are still around, observing them and giving them signs. My sister thinks that when she finds a penny on the ground it's a sign from dad. Our dad wouldn't use a penny as a sign, he'd use a bullhorn "DON'T LEAVE YOUR (STUFF) LAYING AROUND THE LIVING ROOM!" When you believe that you're seeing signs and wonders from a dead person's spirit, and blithering nonsense like reincarnation how can there be closure?

Atheists have ghosts wandering around in their world. First of all, How can you believe in spiritual annihilation and still have ghosts of dead people wandering around? And how can you have closure when the house creeks at night and you're sure it's Grandpa Howard wandering around in the attic?

To me, when someone accepts Christ as their lord and savior and follows His example, closure has occurred. It's over! The sorrow and tortures of this world have ended, all that's left is sanctification and mentoring those that have joined the path the Holy Spirit set you on. Yes we are assailed with temptation and tribulation in this sin filled world (John 16:33), but so are atheists and pagans. The difference is that Jesus has overcome the world, set an example for us, and is waiting for us to join him, and we have the Holy Spirit to guide us. Pagans and Atheists have nothing.

When I go I will be gone, so don't mourn for me. When we inter my parents ashes maybe I should have my own funeral at the same time, that way I can be there to enjoy it. It will be nice to be under those beautiful trees, then a barbeque over by Grandpa's cabin (which is now probably all girrly now that my cousin Little Ruthy is the main occupant). Yeah, that'll be my funeral too.

However if you all insist to throw a memorial shindig after I shed this busted up old body and go to join my Commander, this is what I want:
     1. Place my ashes in a paper bag
     2. Place the bag either in  the big field on Grandpa's farm or on the top of My Mountain
     3. In that bag place a quarter stick of dynamite with at least 1 minute of oxygen fuse
     4. Light the fuse and crank up this tune 
     5. Once the ashes have scattered everyone retires to a brunch of pancakes with real maple
         syrup and bloody mary's (virgin or otherwise)

Why? It don't matter why, I won't be there, I'll be with Jesus.

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